Jacob is almost 9 months
Not sleeping through the night
Him and Josh were sharing a bed while I slept on the couch or air mattress cause it was just too cramped and every time Jacob sees me in the night we wants to nurse BUT he slept through the night twice and only got up to eat once the rest of the time. BUT that was short lived cause he is a mover in his sleep and fell head first of the bed... so that's not gonna work. Plus everyone says it's really bad to sleep with your baby bla bla bla
We JUST finally got a crib but have no idea how to train him to use it
He has NEVER put him self to sleep cause I was stupid as a first time mother of a new born and thought "if he nurses to sleep then I have a good 3 hours till he wakes up and needs to eat again verses taking an hour to get him to sleep on his own and then only getting 2 hours of sleep myself" I didn't know any better
We put him in his crib for the first time and an hour later he OF CORSE FREEEEEAKED out when he woke up cause it's new to him or what ever
So Josh and I thought maybe it's time to try the cry out method, and holy cow!!!! I have never heard him scream like that. I seriously doubt that he would be able to calm himself down after that by himself. It not like when you pick him up he stops either. He's like FULL ON melt down and he is SOOOO worked up he wont even nurse which is his favorite thing in the whole wide world (trust me).
I don't see how on earth letting him cry like that will do any good for anyone.
I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like the worst mom ever. I wish I could start over with him. Back when he was a new born.
I'm sorry to vent and get you all involved. Being a parent is seriously the hardest thing in the entire world
Here are our goals:
we have no idea how we are going to achieve them
1. to have him sleep in his crib
2. to have him sleep the whole night
3. to have him be able to put himself to sleep with out nursing or assisting
It's SOOO overwhelming. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to do, but I felt like I needed to write out our goals and maybe the way will be shone to us as we seek it out.
9 comments:
This is a hard transition, but you have to do it for your sanity. You need your sleep...and you need to sleep in your bed with your hubby. But how to get there? That is the question.
I am a believer in crying it out. I let me kids start that when they are about a month old and it works like a charm...not easy though...poor little babies crying their hearts out basically ripps yours out in the process.
I would suggest you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weisbluth, M.D.. It is a great book and really helps you understand why you kid needs sleep and why it is so important to help them sleep on their own. Knowing why will help when you hear the screaming kid.
My pediatrition said to start slow when training a kid to sleep on their own. Start with 15 minutes of crying it out first and increase it by 5 minutes a day...don't increase one hour. You can go in every 5 minutes and just pat him on his back...but make no eye contact and DON'T pick him up...that is the key. It took Sammy over a week to get used to that...and she cryed for 45 minutes straight at first...but now she is a great sleeper.
It is so hard, but so worth it. You and your hubby have to be on the same page and help each other deal with the emotions of letting your baby cry. You aren't a bad mom...you are giving your baby the gift of sound sleep...which is important. Try listening to your ipod or sitting on the porch while you are letting him cry it out...that helped me.
Email me at eholly@gmail.com if you have any questions or need any suggestions. It was way easier the second time around...but still hard. I am happy to give support and encouragement. Good luck.
And BTW: there isn't such a thing as a stupid first-time-mom. You do what you think is best for your little one...and that is the right way to do it...you know your baby best.
Thanks for your comment Emily!
I'm going to start by getting that book and pry that it helps.
Today we woke up to to slightly black eyes cause he cried THAT hard. And we didn't that him that long maybe 10 minutes. So I feel like we are past the point of fixing this. But I will try to keep my chin up.
Ok, this is what you do, its very simple and it worked very well for my 6 kids and haven't failed yet. And its very important you follow this exactly.
First thing you want to do is make sure that there is NO
Some words of advice from what we learned/experienced. We bounced Braden to sleep on an excercise ball til he turned 1 and then stopped going to sleep that way. We felt like you, sleep deprived and frustrated that what we were trying wasn't working. We heard about the Ferber method, so I read a little about it and gave it a try. You can google it to read more about it. The first week was rough, and Braden would cry for about 1.5 hours to fall asleep, but after that Braden went to sleep on his own without crying and slept through the night. Another thing we found is that Braden has to be sleeping in his own room to sleep well. Whatever you try, don't give up, because it WILL be hard at first! And if he does wake up, make sure daddy helps him calm down and go back to sleep, because he knows what he wants from mommy, even if he isn't hungry!
I agree with the above comments, but want to add that persistence is the key. At night, create a routine. Turn on soft music for him, read him a book, (even if he doesn't seem like he's listening) lay him in is crib and walk away. The minute the routine changes, it's like all that hard work was wasted. Try not to bring him in with you anymore. If you have to sooth him, don't pick him up or make eye contact. He needs to learn that his bed is where he is supposed to be and it is a safe, comfortable place.
I don't think it's too late, and I know that you are a FANTASTIC mommy. Don't give up. He will learn to LOVE his bed. Don't worry.
Get that book, though. I've heard rave reviews.
Hey Rach!
Sorry to hear about the sleeping problem. Ethan has been such a good sleeper, i dont know how we got lucky. I do know that we have had to drive him around the last couple months to get him to sleep sometimes. We dont anymore..but we know its the last resort and it works.
I have tried the crying method but ethan gets histerical and throws up.
Here is an idea:
We have been giving ethan three solid meals a day, with bottles at nap time(since its still important they get formula or breast milk in your case) I really wanted him to be drinking less formula by the time he is one. And now he just gets bottles when he goes to sleep. They help him to fall asleep and I rock him in the rocker. Then put in his pacifier once bottle is gone. It has worked like a charm for us.
Another thing i know, When i do put ethan in his crib crying, I watch the clock and let 20 minutes go by. IF he is still crying, depending on how bad he is crying I either just take him out(cuz maybe he just isnt tired) or lay him down and rub his tummy and just let him know that i am there and then walk back out.
Even if you want to let them cry it out, i would just give yourself a time limit to go back in. They need to know you are still there and aren't abandoning them. If he is really tired, it wont take long for them to fall asleep.
It might be bad at first, but it will get better. Maybe try the crying out method only at naps at first, take it slow.
Babies just need a routine. If they know nap time is coming it is better.
haha sorry this is soo long! Hope it helps!
I would set up a bedtime routine. Like a bath, and quiet time, maybe sing to him until he's almost asleep and then lay him in his crib. If hes really super tired, he'll just go to sleep. (hopefully) My sister in law did the cry out method, but she would play music like enya or those cds of just instrumental classical music. They would cry, but the soft music soothed them, and they often still listen to music to go to bed. You're not a bad mom, parenting is a learning experience. Dont worry, he'll settle into a routine! Good luck hun
I'm not going to give you any tips or go on and on about different theories and techniques because I'm sure you will hear from everyone you know and you'll read about it and everything. All I will say though, is that as a nanny for six years and a mother for two years, this is what I know: Sleep training your baby(letting them cry and eventually soothe themselves to sleep instead of relying on you to comfort them and fall asleep), is the best gift you can give your child right now. I have seen children who were never sleep-trained at three years old and it's hard on them, their parents, and their nanny! ;) It is really hard to get them to sleep on their own, it's a guessing game, is he crying because he's hungry? How long should I let this go on? It can be brutal. But it is SO WORTH IT. You are kicking him of a habit and retraining him to fall asleep on his own, and it's hard, but it only gets harder the older they get and the longer they have that habit. Trust me, this is the best thing you can do for him. I am SO SO SO happy that my daughter learned to sleep on her own. She falls asleep so easily and sleeps through the night, and she has done this since 4 months old. She will have the gift of good sleep the rest of her life, because we trained her to have good sleeping habits. Not only that, but it makes our lives more pleasant and it's going to be very helpful when baby #2 comes! I know it's really hard, but keep at it, it is worth it! One thing my Doc told me once that comforted me is that if your child isn't hungry, has a clean diaper, and is truly just tired, letting them cry WILL NOT HURT THEM. Crying can't harm them, the worst thing that will happen is they will pass out from crying so much. It's hard to hear them cry like that, but eventually they will find something to calm themselves down and they will fall asleep, and after a few days or a couple weeks, it will be done, if you're CONSISTENT. My daughter would cry and cry and cry, until finally she snuggled up to her blanky, which is now her comfort instead of me. She doesn't need me to sleep anymore, but if we are caught with out that blanky, she's up all night. He too will find something, whether it's his thumb, a special teddy bear, or a blanky. When you hear him cry or you start thinking it's too hard, just remember, you're doing it for your son, you're teaching him something, and it is what's best for him. If you think it's hard now, try kicking a three year old out of your bed, that is ten times harder! Sorry if I went ranting on for too long, I'm just a little passionate about this subject :) You can do it Rachel!! Keep it up!
okay okay, just one more thing, I'm sorry for going on and on but I remembered something that really helped me a lot. I read once that children are like chickens(bear with me here) If you're not consistent it will take forever for them to sleep on their own. A chicken will ram it's beak into the pavement nine times, until finally on the tenth time they get a grain. Children will cry for nine nights in a row, as long as they believe that just maybe on that tenth night, you'll finally give in and come get them. They need to believe that you are never coming back in. Some babies, it take a few days, some take a few weeks, but the key is CONSISTENCY. If that chicken pecked long enough and never ever got grain, eventually it would stop. Is this making sense? Any ways, that analogy just really helped me understand why I needed to be consistent. It's almost like torture when they see you or when you pick them up sometimes but don't come in other times. They don't know what's going on or what to expect. Let him know what to expect and stick to it and he will figure it out, I promise! I'll shut up now, good luck!
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